Finding the words…

Today is one of those days where I have a million thoughts and words running through my head and none of them seem to be motivated to run through my fingers and onto paper. I desperately want to find order in it all and here I sit, lost in thoughts wondering how I will bring a message to you all.

I have had the most amazing few weeks, I have been on a soulful journey, not only with my spiritual life, but with self care and with my writing. I have learnt so much about who I am and where I am heading. I have taken days where I find myself exploring the place I live and finding hidden gems in the villages around me. The journey has opened my eyes to a world that was left unseen by me, not because I wasn’t looking, but because I was not seeing how much there was to seek. I had to be brave enough to walk out my front door and hop on a train without really knowing where I was heading or why. All I knew in those moments was that I needed to spread my wings and walk out onto the proverbial platform and step through the trains doors. The discoveries made where not just inside of buildings, or down secret roads, they go deeper than that. These encounters unlocked a part of who I am and led me through my own being and allowed me to see through fresh eyes.

In between all of this blogging and word-smithing I started freelancing for a social media company run by two of my dearest friends. I have been learning so many new things about writing and personal expression that I am actually overwhelmed by it all. It is hard to write about topics you do not understand and have to research so that you can produce what is needed by others to fulfill a professional need whilst keeping your own creativity in tact. It is nerve wrecking to submit work not knowing what the reader is going to feel when they read something you poured yourself into. And yet, so far my work has been taken with such joy and presented to clients by people who have been in the industry for decades. To feel their pride in your work beaming from another part of the world is humbling.

I have been blessed with a visitor, a childhood friend who is so valuable to me I actually do not know how to explain her visit to you. Not because there is nothing to tell, but because her visit was truly surprising. I knew she was coming, we planned her visit for a few months, and I was really worried about how the visit would turn out. We hadn’t spent time together since we were very young, teenagers in fact. I didn’t know who I was going to encounter and I was worried I had become someone she did not recognize, and yet the second she walked through the arrivals door it felt like no time had passed at all. She wanted to go to Amsterdam, a place I had decided I did not like and yet every step we took through Amsterdam on that cold and wet day was filled with laughter, adventure, catching up on years of missed conversations and reminiscing about our younger years. I absolutely loved the fact that she just embraced playing the left and right game as we circled around Amsterdam and walked into some of the most breathtaking buildings.

The four days she was here, we spent time just us two girls, talking and giggling and sharing secrets about ourselves with each other. We drank coffee and wandered around places that were familiar and places that were new. We visited gardens in the village our family lives in. We took her to a forest we love to explore and had a picnic on the cold damp floor. We took in scenery and moments that will last a lifetime. We ate and drank and spoke like we had not missed a beat and it was truly wonderful. She met my family, embraced our wild and free ways and I hope she found a piece of peace during our visit.

I have spoken to my mom, and shared laughter with her even though we are thousands of kilometers apart. These talks feel like we are sitting in her kitchen talking freely and openly. In these moments it’s almost as though space and time fold between us and our hearts draw into a place that allows us to share our thoughts and feelings no matter where we are. She updates me on the happenings at home in such a way that I can see it all unfold in front of me. I hear the sounds of the family home in the background and I find myself temporarily seated with them all again. I found a small piece of art that brought her from South Africa into my kitchen, just because the words sounded exactly like her.

I have prayed with another part of our family and seen God take control of what could have been a tragedy and turn it into a uniting of people across the globe. I witnessed the strength of others as someone we all love was in need of healing and watched as our prayers sang to the heavens and healing rained down on us all. I have been moved by the love of family in ways that words will never explain and tears will never wash away.

The last few weeks have been a physical journey motivated by an emotional and spiritual need and even though there are so many mini-stories to tell, I feel that most of them will remain my secret with the person I shared them with. My husband and our children have embraced this new version of me and although I believe they think I may have lost my mind a little, I also think they like the fact that I wake up singing and celebrating life with every breath.

So this is me enjoying an ongoing journey and loving every step taken.

Photo credit: Lesonne Photography (The Kaalvoet Photographer – https://www.facebook.com/thekaalvoetphotgrapher/

Theme song of the day: A Thousand Miles – Vanessa Carlton

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